I am waiting for people to finally get married already!
Someone has to! I mean, for goodness' sakes, look at them: Eric and Donna, Hyde and Jackie, even Kelso and Brooke. They're all couples. They are all happy. They are all doing it! (Especially Kelso and Brooke-- you know they are doing it because she is very sexy and she has already had his baby, and I hope that the baby does not inherit his dumb.)
So where are the weddings, already? Fez wants to party!
I want to dance to a bad wedding band that sings "How Deep Is Your Love" off-key, but still makes people cry. I want to choreograph your first dances, but maybe I should just do it for all of you, because you silly people are very bad at dancing, except for Jackie. I want to watch your relatives get drunk and be embarrassing, especially Bob.
I want to eat from a cold cut tray and shrimp cocktail brought by Bob for half-price because he "knows a guy", under a melting ice sculpture that doesn't look anything like a unicorn or a dolphin or Steven Tyler. I want the chewy roast beef and the rubbery salmon and the overcooked vegetables.
Most of all, I want bridesmaids! Hot, trampy bridesmaids so excited by being at a wedding that they will do it with the first single man they find. Fez wants to be that man.
So get on with it! Jeez!