I allowed a woman to come between us once, and it is a lesson that has been burned into my mind forever. Never again shall any female cause a rift between myself and the best, most special relationship I have ever known... with a man. Kelso, I promise: never, ever again.
Her name was Suzy Simpson, and she was very beautiful. Suzy was a police cadet, and so was very forceful and assertive, both traits I find very, very sexy. I was instantly smitten by her pretty face, her long, luxurious red hair and the fact that she loved candy. I wanted very badly to date her, and in a generous step that was unlike the usual Kelso, my friend offered to help set me up with her.
Unfortunately, it turned out that Suzy had been seduced by Kelso's physical beauty and manly ways long before Fez entered the picture. On what was supposed to be our first date-- a shooting range, because who doesn't love a beautiful woman holding a long, heavy weapon, am I right?-- she instead wanted to be with Kelso.
I shut him out, sure that he had betrayed me. No matter where I went, Kelso was there, and so I was forced to turn my back on him again and again. It was very difficult, as I do not have many places I like to hang out.
Suzy came to realize what had happened and tried to help us make up. She recreated one of our most precious moments, a night at the Hub where we were both stunned to discover a giant tater tot in our basket. Eventually, upon learning that at the time, Kelso was expecting an illegitimate daughter and I was married to stay in the country, Suzy walked out on us both. (Saying that we were missing out on the fact that she did "things that American girls think is gross". Does anyone know what she means?)
Luckily, we realized it was for the best. I was never happier to have a man back in my life.