Dear Mr. Hugh Hefner,
My name is Fez and I live in Point Place, Wisconsin. I am a recent arrival in your country, and for many months I was amazed and awed simply by the wonderful luxuries Americans enjoy, from automobiles to indoor plumbing to restaurants that give you food without having to leave your automobile. Where I am from, so very much of what is taken for granted here would be considered magic.
And then, my friend Hyde lent me a copy of "Playboy".
I am not sure if I can properly express to you the deep and meaningful impact your magazine has had on my life. Please understand that I do not consider you to be the very rich, very powerful publisher of a magnificent magazine, or a free-living, free-loving man with access to more beautiful naked women than there are cans of beers in a liquor warehouse.
No, Mr. Hefner, I consider you to be the greatest hero the world has ever known.
How dare anyone accuse you and "Playboy" of chauvinism? You celebrate the female form, the most glorious of all of God's creations! (Although, if you ask me, there should be more emphasis on the gorgeous and enticing feet of many of your Playmates, I am just saying.) You give advice to the lonely and the man in need of a better way to tie his tie or wash body fluid stains out of his laundry! You interview the most famous and most important people of our time!
But more, much more than this-- you give me naked women to look at.
I am a man who loves women, Mr. Hefner, very much like yourself. I cannot get enough of them, especially in the form your magazine presents them: naked, smiling and unable to slap me.
Your magazine and your example have changed my life. Yes, it has severely lengthened the amount of time I spend indoors, and I have an especially high monthly expense in kleenex and lotion, but it is worth it to support the efforts of a great man like yourself.
Thank you, Mr. Hefner.
With love, your greatest fan,