I would have been born in America, of course.
There is no place in the world like America, and there was no prouder or happier moment in my entire life than when I at last got my green card and was allowed to remain in the country.
(All right, yes, there was one. When I at last lost my virginity to Nina. But the second happiest moment of my life was when I got my green card.)
America is known as the Land of Opportunity, and it is the truth. Nowhere else in the world could a young man like myself not only find the friends I have been so lucky as to find, but have the life I have. I could not have gone to a fine school such as Point Place High School, where there are chairs and ceilings and books and a cafeteria menu that does not (at least on the menu) include any sorts of insects. I could not have gotten a job at a place like the Department of Motor Vehicles, where I am able to exercise great power and mastery over people, many of whom were my tormentors in high school.
I would never have been arrested in two countries. I would never have drank beer directly from the tap of a keg. I would never have seen the magazines and movies I have seen.
I would never have bedded as wonderful a woman as Nina, and I certainly would never have met anyone like Caroline.
If not for America, there would be no candy for Fez. No boobs for Fez. No happiness for Fez.