Fez was so nervous, his hand was shaking as he knocked on Jackie's hotel room door. "Jackie! Jackie! Hyde sent me to go get you!" He was still biting his lip to keep from telling the secret when she finally opened the door.
"What is it, Fez?" Jackie frowned at him. He was looking weirder than normal. "Look, Fez, if Steven sent you here so I would go with him to some lameass strip club, you can tell him no, unless he goes to Chippendales with me."
Shaking his head, Fez fiddled nervously with his hands. "No strip club. At least, not that anyone told Fez. No, Hyde said..." He had to think about it a minute. "Hyde said to put on your nice dress and come with me. There are some... oh, yes, important people he wants you to meet."
Jackie's frown disappeared. "Important people in Jamaica? Oh, maybe he means those musical festival people. They must have heard me singing, Fez, and now they want me to make my very own record!!!" She slammed the door in Fez' face and changed quickly into the pretty pink and purple paisley dress she'd packed, brushed her hair a few times, re-did her make-up, put her cute platform boots on, grabbed her purse, then opened the door again twenty minutes later. "Okay, I'm ready!!!"
Fez had to pace up and down the hallway to be able to stand waiting for Jackie to get ready. Hyde had told him she would want to take a while, but it seemed like it took forever. The others were going to owe him big-time for all this. Maybe candy. Maybe just a girl who was kind of a slut. But they would owe him. When she finally came out, Fez grabbed Jackie by the arm and dragged her out toward the beach.
W.B. had promised to make all the calls and arrangements while Hyde was getting Jackie ready to leave L.A., and when they got to Jamaica, it turned out that Hyde's real father had come through for him in a big way once again. He'd have to make sure to score him something really special before leaving, but for now, all we has thinking about was the fact that all his friends were standing around on the beach with him, waiting for Jackie. They were all the people he needed, and it was the twentieth of April-- 4/20, and that made it even cooler.
Jackie's arm about came off once Fez grabbed her and tugged her to the beach, where she saw Brooke standing next to Donna, and Michael standing on the other side with Eric. Right next to Steven. "Oh. Oh, no. No, no, no, no!!! I am not getting freaking married in Jamaica on the beach!!! Where are my doves?!? My carriage?!? My wedding dress?!?" She huffed a little bit more. "Who would give me away?!?"
"That would be me," she heard from behind her, and saw Mr. Forman waiting with a frown on his face and Mrs. Forman laughing, waving, and taking pictures. "Don't ask," Mr. Forman said as he took Jackie's arm, then kissed her cheek. She looked confused a little bit more and asked, "But... but... look, who is going to marry us?!? Don't tell me Pastor Dan is here!!!"
Fez grinned, and put his hand up before Hyde could answer. "Allow me," he told his friend, then buttoned up the collar on his shirt. "What none of you know-- not that any of you ever cared to ask-- I was my village's sort of medicine man, or at least the medicine man's altar boy. In my country, that made it legal for me to perform marriages." He took his spot in the middle of the group. "Fez has saved the day," he said, beaming.
Hyde shook his head at Fez, but looked at Jackie hopefully. "You remember when we first got together? What they called us? 'Creepy and Unnatural', right? And that was always our thing. You and me, we're not supposed to work. So the way I figure, if we're gonna get married, it's not gonna be the way everybody says that's supposed to work. It should just be you, me, the people we actually give a crap about, and that's it." He smirked. "Plus, you know, we're gonna have the coolest anniversary."
Jackie just blinked a few times, then turned to Donna who gave her the "thumbs up" sign and mouthed, "Maid of Honor! Score!" Shaking her head but still holding onto Mr. Forman's arm, she stared at Fez. What? No. Fez was going to...?!? No. Then she stared hopefully right back at Steven. "Okay." Oh my God, she was going to get married!!! "Uh, but wait. Why is today the coolest?!?"
Fez and Kelso's hands both shot up. "Hmmm... I'm gonna have to go with... Kelso," said Eric. While Fez glared, Kelso pumped his fist. "Today is April twentieth, or 4/20. Back home, the cops' criminal code for possession of a stash is 420. So, like, every 4/20, something like millions or billions of people get baked to celebrate it."
After a roll of his eyes, Fez started. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to watch Steven Hyde and Jackie Beu-- ah, Jackie Burkhart get married. Because I think we all want to see this happen, this is the short version of things. Oh, and if you object--" Red finished the sentence. "If you object, you're getting my foot in your ass." Fez nodded. "Okay, so, eh, here comes the bride."
Hyde barely heard them all. All he heard was Jackie's 'okay'. He waited for Red to finish walking her up the sand-- um, the 'aisle'-- and stand her across from him. Hyde looked around, then tucked his sunglasses into his back pocket. "Look, Jackie, I know I'm not the guy you thought you'd end up with. Or even anything like that guy. But I'm the guy who thinks it'd be pretty damn cool to spend the next six or seven decades with you. So... I love you, okay? I love you."
"I love you too, Steven." Jackie sort of ignored the part where Michael had talked about her anniversary going to be the same day as some criminal thing because she was getting married!!! Only... she turned to Donna and Brooke. "Does this mean there's no music festival?!?" They both shook their heads. "Does this mean no record company is going to sign me as their new singing star?!?" They really shook their heads. Sighing, Jackie turned back to Mr. Forman. "Thank you," she told him, just as Mrs. Forman blinded her with another camera flash.
Fez, tearing up, wiped at his eyes. "That is so beautiful. I love you both. Now for the good stuff. Do you, Hyde, and do you, Jackie, promise to love each other, no matter what happens? Do you promise to stay together and just keep doing the things that made your love creepy and unnatural and so, so beautiful?" Fez wiped at his face again. "I'm sorry, I told myself I wouldn't cry, but... anyway, do you promise?"
Hyde swallowed. All the old instincts told him to cut and run. "Yeah, okay. I do."
"I do. I promise. Always, Steven." Jackie held her hands out to him and started crying. "My puddin' pop."
Fez sobbed. "I now... I now pronounce..." He sobbed again. "Oh, just kiss her. I said kiss her!"
Everyone clapped, Mrs. Forman was flashing more pictures, and Jackie could swear as she kissed her new husband that she heard stupid freaking Bob Marley music in the background as her wedding recessional...